Office Supply Store Customers: FUCK YOU

So I work at Staples. I'm a tech guy there, and I like it. It's a good job. Managers are fair, wages are fair, people are nice. Good sense of teamwork and all that good stuff. It's great except that some customers are FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS.

-Ex 1: Some old lady (~65) walks in and is looking at one of the twelve or so H&R Block tax programs. So she comes over to a cashier, and starts asking them all these technical questions about it. They obviously don't know what she's talking about, so she gets all exasperated and asks to speak to a manager. One of my managers comes out, and he was pretty busy, so she starts asking questions, and he brushes her off, telling her to talk to an associate.

So she comes to me. She starts asking me all of these technical questions about how to use the software, can you do this, can you do that, in this weird situation what should you do, etc. I told her that I didn't know, that I had never used the software, and that if she wanted to know more about it that she should look it up.

So she gets all up in my face saying that it's my job to know all of this stuff, and that Staples doesn't train their employees, and that they'll hire anyone, and that I'm being payed to stand around and do nothing.

(I'm a computer science major, and I build computers. I think I qualify as a tech expert.)

So I'm all like "FUCK YOU BITCH! If I had to know every little detail of every piece of software and hardware that Staples sells, it would be equivalent to an entire college degree, every time new versions of software were released!" Then I kicked her in the chest and I punched her in the face, and then I grabbed her by the hair and bashed her head against the counter for 8 hours straight. "HEY, FUCK 'YOU WANTING TO BE CHECKED-OUT', THIS BITCH NEEDS TO DIE!"

Yeah I didn't really do that, but I was thinking it.


-Ex 2: 98% of people who come in looking for ink don't know their printer model, and think that all ink is universal. KILL. THEM. ALL.


-Ex 3: People ask me if "This laptop bag" is sturdy. YOU'RE FUCKIN' HOLDING IT! DOES IT FEEL STURDY?" What the fuck? Are people really that retarded that tech people seem so much smarter than them, and have magical insight as to how sturdy bags are? You feel the damn bag, and you pull on that shit. If it feels like a sturdy bag, then it's sturdy. If it doesn't, it isn't. If you can't tell, you're fuckin' retarded, and shouldn't have a laptop.


-Ex 4: People complain to me, like it's my fault, when they break their computers. That's fuckin' user error, BITCH. What makes you think computers should be fool-proof? You buy a nice sports-car, you fuck it up, it's your problem, not someone who knows about cars, not the car manufacturers, not the guy who sold it to you, it's yours. Suck it up and pay me to fix that shit, then get programs that keep it clean for you.


-Ex 5: There are some customers who smell really, really bad. These are the customers who will actively get really close to you, and make sure to breathe directly in your face. These are the customers who smell like they literally just ate a bowl of shit. These are the customers who will talk endlessly about absolutely nothing. These are the customers that I walk away from.


Sure the last one isn't really entirely their fault. But if you have money to spend on an expensive computer peripheral, then you should at least have the funds to take a damn shower and brush your teeth before strolling into a public facility.