So I work at Staples. I'm a tech guy there, and I like it. It's a good job. Managers are fair, wages are fair, people are nice. Good sense of teamwork and all that good stuff. It's great except that some customers are FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS.
-Ex 1: Some old lady (~65) walks in and is looking at one of the twelve or so H&R Block tax programs. So she comes over to a cashier, and starts asking them all these technical questions about it. They obviously don't know what she's talking about, so she gets all exasperated and asks to speak to a manager. One of my managers comes out, and he was pretty busy, so she starts asking questions, and he brushes her off, telling her to talk to an associate.
So she comes to me. She starts asking me all of these technical questions about how to use the software, can you do this, can you do that, in this weird situation what should you do, etc. I told her that I didn't know, that I had never used the software, and that if she wanted to know more about it that she should look it up.
So she gets all up in my face saying that it's my job to know all of this stuff, and that Staples doesn't train their employees, and that they'll hire anyone, and that I'm being payed to stand around and do nothing.
(I'm a computer science major, and I build computers. I think I qualify as a tech expert.)
So I'm all like "FUCK YOU BITCH! If I had to know every little detail of every piece of software and hardware that Staples sells, it would be equivalent to an entire college degree, every time new versions of software were released!" Then I kicked her in the chest and I punched her in the face, and then I grabbed her by the hair and bashed her head against the counter for 8 hours straight. "HEY, FUCK 'YOU WANTING TO BE CHECKED-OUT', THIS BITCH NEEDS TO DIE!"
Yeah I didn't really do that, but I was thinking it.
-Ex 2: 98% of people who come in looking for ink don't know their printer model, and think that all ink is universal. KILL. THEM. ALL.
-Ex 3: People ask me if "This laptop bag" is sturdy. YOU'RE FUCKIN' HOLDING IT! DOES IT FEEL STURDY?" What the fuck? Are people really that retarded that tech people seem so much smarter than them, and have magical insight as to how sturdy bags are? You feel the damn bag, and you pull on that shit. If it feels like a sturdy bag, then it's sturdy. If it doesn't, it isn't. If you can't tell, you're fuckin' retarded, and shouldn't have a laptop.
-Ex 4: People complain to me, like it's my fault, when they break their computers. That's fuckin' user error, BITCH. What makes you think computers should be fool-proof? You buy a nice sports-car, you fuck it up, it's your problem, not someone who knows about cars, not the car manufacturers, not the guy who sold it to you, it's yours. Suck it up and pay me to fix that shit, then get programs that keep it clean for you.
-Ex 5: There are some customers who smell really, really bad. These are the customers who will actively get really close to you, and make sure to breathe directly in your face. These are the customers who smell like they literally just ate a bowl of shit. These are the customers who will talk endlessly about absolutely nothing. These are the customers that I walk away from.
Sure the last one isn't really entirely their fault. But if you have money to spend on an expensive computer peripheral, then you should at least have the funds to take a damn shower and brush your teeth before strolling into a public facility.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
My favorite StarCraft (and Brood War) units, and why.
To start off, I'm a Zerg player for the most part, so I'm obviously not going to be so well-versed in Terran as I am in Zerg, or even Protoss, but I'll try my best to not be a jerk about it. And when I say "I'll try my best" I mean, I really won't, and no one reads this anyway. But that's ok, I prefer lurking. (Yes, that was a pun. Because I like Zerg...Lurkers...stfu)
Terran:
-Goliath:
They're just practical. Strap a Missile Turret to a roided-out mecha-marine's back, and you've got yourself a Goliath. They also just sound bad-ass. "Goliath online." "Go ahead TACCOM." It's just too cool.
-Medic:
Obviously when I play Terran, like anyone who ever hopes to win, I use loads of Marines and Firebats. LOADS OF THEM. So to annoy my opponents as much as possible, and to get as much use out of these forces as I can, I stick a few Medics in the mix. When I first started playing, years and years ago, I seriously underestimated the power of the Medic, and it cost me dearly when groups of ten or twelve Marines were able to overtake 20 or so Hydralisks if they had a couple medics in there. I don't frequently use Medic abilities unless a Zerg player has plagued one of my upper-register units, then I restore it. But I really don't use Optical Flare much at all.
-Ghost:
Three words; Cloak, Lockdown, Nuke. The Ghost isn't one of the most versatile units in the game. It pretty much just acts as a ninja. However, it's fairly useful, especially when that Shuttle plops a Reaver right behind your mineral field... right next to your 30 SCVs...and you forgot to back them up. "HOLY HELL, LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN! LOCK IT DOWN!" *boom, boom- vssshewww*
-Science Vessel:
I get the feeling that I'm one of the few people who actually enjoy using specialty units like the Vessel, the Defiler, the Queen, etc. Obviously I like EMP Shockwave for Archons, because they're scary as all bleeding hell, and it gets rid of those pretty darn fast. And Irradiate is also an obvious choice for anti-Zerg battles.
Protoss:
Photon Cannon:
OK,OK, I know it's not a friggin' unit, but just hear me out. Back when I was just getting into StarCraft, in about...2000 or so, I picked up a strategy from a buddy of mine, who played Toss quite a bit. He essentially built a few zealots to defend his base sufficiently, then researched like hell, and warped in a ring of photon cannons all around his base. I'm not talking just a tiny ring, I'm talking about around 4 - 6 cannons deep, all the way around. The only thing you have to fear is Siege Tanks at long distance. It makes for a very interesting game, and usually players won't expect something this rediculous.
Dark Templar:
Something that's permanently cloaked, and attacks with a big blade of energy, and just happens to be one of the most bad-ass units in the game is certainly one of my favorite. Fantastic for terrorizing small groups of marines, and even worse against Zerg, because they don't have a ComSat station.
Dragoon:
It's a walking Photon Cannon. What's not to love?
Reaver:
A little impractical, but it gets the damage out there when you need it. Certainly something to be microed along with a Shuttle, so that it can move a little faster than 2 inches/hour.
ZERG:
-Hydralisk:
It has a second lower jaw that separates in the middle, and it shoots spines. Out of its face. OUT OF ITS FACE! ARARAGAAHHAHRAHRHAHHRA!!!
-Scourge:
I think that most Zerg players share the absolute delight that I experience when I see an "unprotected" Battlecruiser or Carrier just thinking it's all invincible and stuff. I think that one of the major flaws in the other two races is the belief that pure might will take the place of skillfully surrounding a unit, and biting its head off. There are some Terran and Protoss players who believe that their Carrier or Battlecruiser can fend for itself for thirty seconds while they switch out fresh troops.... Hah... ahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAhahahAHAHAHAHHAHAHGHAHGHA! Oh that's funny shit.
-Lurker:
I don't even know how Blizzard came up with the idea for the Lurker's attack, but they couldn't have made it any more cool. A row of spikes, from underground, that follows through, and damages everything in its path. Way too cool. And the fact that you can move this thing around, and burrow it at will, it's just sick. It looks really cool too.
-Defiler:
Towards the end of a game, the only real applications of the Zergling are scouting, lurking, tormenting undefended SCVs, and FEEDING THEM TO DEFILERS. The idea of Consume was the best thing since sliced Firebat. Now I can run a few Ultralisks over to one side of a base, and while all the defenses go there, I can plague the rest of it, and then bring in a couple cheap-o Mutalisks and wipe everything clean. Dark Swarm is also pretty darn useful once you get the hang of it. If you're a Zerg player, and you've ever had about a million of your units popped at once by Siege Tank fire, that you couldn't even see coming, Dark Swarm is the preventative. Swarm right over your units, (Splash will still occur, but damage won't in the full effect) and relocate your forces. While the tanks reposition, consume a Zergling or two, and Plague them. Now they're fucked. Serves em' right for being a SIEGE TANK WHORE.
-Queen:
Parasite is fantastic. It's damn near impossible to notice if the unit is going to stay near the opponent's base. Great for monitoring, and it lasts for a long, LONG time. Spawning Broodlings is an easy way to get rid of Reavers or Tanks, and the occasional Goliath that feels the need to hunt down your queen after placing a Parasite. Truth be told, I don't use Ensnare that much. As if that Reaver needed to be any slower.
I'm very excited for all of the new units/ upgrades, etc. that are coming in SC2, especially Zerg stuff. Spine crawlers, Nydus Worms, Banelings, Roaches, etc. Very very excited.
Terran:
-Goliath:
They're just practical. Strap a Missile Turret to a roided-out mecha-marine's back, and you've got yourself a Goliath. They also just sound bad-ass. "Goliath online." "Go ahead TACCOM." It's just too cool.-Medic:
Obviously when I play Terran, like anyone who ever hopes to win, I use loads of Marines and Firebats. LOADS OF THEM. So to annoy my opponents as much as possible, and to get as much use out of these forces as I can, I stick a few Medics in the mix. When I first started playing, years and years ago, I seriously underestimated the power of the Medic, and it cost me dearly when groups of ten or twelve Marines were able to overtake 20 or so Hydralisks if they had a couple medics in there. I don't frequently use Medic abilities unless a Zerg player has plagued one of my upper-register units, then I restore it. But I really don't use Optical Flare much at all.-Ghost:
Three words; Cloak, Lockdown, Nuke. The Ghost isn't one of the most versatile units in the game. It pretty much just acts as a ninja. However, it's fairly useful, especially when that Shuttle plops a Reaver right behind your mineral field... right next to your 30 SCVs...and you forgot to back them up. "HOLY HELL, LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN! LOCK IT DOWN!" *boom, boom- vssshewww*-Science Vessel:
I get the feeling that I'm one of the few people who actually enjoy using specialty units like the Vessel, the Defiler, the Queen, etc. Obviously I like EMP Shockwave for Archons, because they're scary as all bleeding hell, and it gets rid of those pretty darn fast. And Irradiate is also an obvious choice for anti-Zerg battles.Protoss:
Photon Cannon:
OK,OK, I know it's not a friggin' unit, but just hear me out. Back when I was just getting into StarCraft, in about...2000 or so, I picked up a strategy from a buddy of mine, who played Toss quite a bit. He essentially built a few zealots to defend his base sufficiently, then researched like hell, and warped in a ring of photon cannons all around his base. I'm not talking just a tiny ring, I'm talking about around 4 - 6 cannons deep, all the way around. The only thing you have to fear is Siege Tanks at long distance. It makes for a very interesting game, and usually players won't expect something this rediculous.Dark Templar:
Something that's permanently cloaked, and attacks with a big blade of energy, and just happens to be one of the most bad-ass units in the game is certainly one of my favorite. Fantastic for terrorizing small groups of marines, and even worse against Zerg, because they don't have a ComSat station.Dragoon:
It's a walking Photon Cannon. What's not to love?Reaver:
A little impractical, but it gets the damage out there when you need it. Certainly something to be microed along with a Shuttle, so that it can move a little faster than 2 inches/hour.ZERG:
-Hydralisk:
It has a second lower jaw that separates in the middle, and it shoots spines. Out of its face. OUT OF ITS FACE! ARARAGAAHHAHRAHRHAHHRA!!!-Scourge:
I think that most Zerg players share the absolute delight that I experience when I see an "unprotected" Battlecruiser or Carrier just thinking it's all invincible and stuff. I think that one of the major flaws in the other two races is the belief that pure might will take the place of skillfully surrounding a unit, and biting its head off. There are some Terran and Protoss players who believe that their Carrier or Battlecruiser can fend for itself for thirty seconds while they switch out fresh troops.... Hah... ahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAhahahAHAHAHAHHAHAHGHAHGHA! Oh that's funny shit.-Lurker:
I don't even know how Blizzard came up with the idea for the Lurker's attack, but they couldn't have made it any more cool. A row of spikes, from underground, that follows through, and damages everything in its path. Way too cool. And the fact that you can move this thing around, and burrow it at will, it's just sick. It looks really cool too.-Defiler:
Towards the end of a game, the only real applications of the Zergling are scouting, lurking, tormenting undefended SCVs, and FEEDING THEM TO DEFILERS. The idea of Consume was the best thing since sliced Firebat. Now I can run a few Ultralisks over to one side of a base, and while all the defenses go there, I can plague the rest of it, and then bring in a couple cheap-o Mutalisks and wipe everything clean. Dark Swarm is also pretty darn useful once you get the hang of it. If you're a Zerg player, and you've ever had about a million of your units popped at once by Siege Tank fire, that you couldn't even see coming, Dark Swarm is the preventative. Swarm right over your units, (Splash will still occur, but damage won't in the full effect) and relocate your forces. While the tanks reposition, consume a Zergling or two, and Plague them. Now they're fucked. Serves em' right for being a SIEGE TANK WHORE.-Queen:
Parasite is fantastic. It's damn near impossible to notice if the unit is going to stay near the opponent's base. Great for monitoring, and it lasts for a long, LONG time. Spawning Broodlings is an easy way to get rid of Reavers or Tanks, and the occasional Goliath that feels the need to hunt down your queen after placing a Parasite. Truth be told, I don't use Ensnare that much. As if that Reaver needed to be any slower.I'm very excited for all of the new units/ upgrades, etc. that are coming in SC2, especially Zerg stuff. Spine crawlers, Nydus Worms, Banelings, Roaches, etc. Very very excited.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Talkin' bout INTERNET PIRATES
So let's us be settin' one thing straight:
LIMEWIRE DOES NOT YE AN INTERNET PIRATE MAKE! Yoda pirate? W/E
For those of you who are struggling with the concept of "internet pirate" or "media pirate," or whatever, let me clear this up for you. P2P/Filesharing/Torrenting/Burning your friends CDs IS NOT PIRATING! The reason that it isn't pirating is because you're being polite about it. You're not wronging anyone, you're not doing things behind helpless citizens' backs, and you're not striking fear into the hearts of your victims. You can't even call yourselves pirates. You're more like a bunch of people who share stuff. Actually, that's exactly what you are.
Real Pirates actually steal their material. Hackers are internet pirates, guys who go to intense lengths to get free internet are pirates, people who access other peoples' computers via the internet and take their stuff are pirates.
There has to be risk, there has to be adventure, there has to be actual challenge.
LimeWire meets none of those criteria.
HAS WE ALL GAWN RETAHDED?!?
Got your pint, got your pig snacks, got your Net Neutrality...what more could you want?
Actually ED, one particularly whiny BUNGHOLE doesn't want Shaun to have his Net Neutrality. You guessed it folks, that bunghole is none other than our beloved Arizona State Senator, John McCain... Who is, by the way, now an expert on the internet.
On that note:
John McCain talking about the internet like he knows things? Everything just keeps getting crazier as the days pass by. Maybe eventually it'll all get so crazy that I'll actually seem like a normal person! On second thought, the world would be in flames way the hell before that.
Anyway, YES, John McCain has created something called the Internet Freedom Act which will "expressly prohibit the FCC from making rules on net neutrality." He essentially wants to give all the regulatory power that the FCC has and give it back to the ISPs, so that they can do stuff like EXPLOIT NICE PiratesEOPLE LIKE US!!!
Oh yes Shaun...he would. He would do that. Apparently John McCain thinks that the FCC shouldn't have the power to make laws against ISPs cutting deals with other companies to cut down competitor companies by restricting access, censoring material, etc...essentially, John McCain supports letting the ISPs make the internet like Apple makes all their stuff.
WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT?!?!!? I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING ONLY TO HAVE IT BE PROPRIETARY TO ONE PIECE OF FRIGGIN' HARDWARE!!!
The argument that McCain gives is that new-favorite phrase: "government takeover."
That's like saying that the FBI shouldn't exist because we use it for government takeover.
That's like saying the army shouldn't exist because we use it for government takeover...oh wait, actually we do...but we're taking over other governments...you get it.
Obviously the FCC was trying to restrict our liberties, by making sure that we would all get fair and equal access to the internet, and making it illegal for ISPs to do things to exploit us. Those Socialist bastards...
Conclusion: John McCain is STARK RAVING MAD!
Talk about conspiracy theorists...
Actually ED, one particularly whiny BUNGHOLE doesn't want Shaun to have his Net Neutrality. You guessed it folks, that bunghole is none other than our beloved Arizona State Senator, John McCain... Who is, by the way, now an expert on the internet.
On that note:
John McCain talking about the internet like he knows things? Everything just keeps getting crazier as the days pass by. Maybe eventually it'll all get so crazy that I'll actually seem like a normal person! On second thought, the world would be in flames way the hell before that.
Anyway, YES, John McCain has created something called the Internet Freedom Act which will "expressly prohibit the FCC from making rules on net neutrality." He essentially wants to give all the regulatory power that the FCC has and give it back to the ISPs, so that they can do stuff like EXPLOIT NICE PiratesEOPLE LIKE US!!!
Oh yes Shaun...he would. He would do that. Apparently John McCain thinks that the FCC shouldn't have the power to make laws against ISPs cutting deals with other companies to cut down competitor companies by restricting access, censoring material, etc...essentially, John McCain supports letting the ISPs make the internet like Apple makes all their stuff.
WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT?!?!!? I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING ONLY TO HAVE IT BE PROPRIETARY TO ONE PIECE OF FRIGGIN' HARDWARE!!!
The argument that McCain gives is that new-favorite phrase: "government takeover."
That's like saying that the FBI shouldn't exist because we use it for government takeover.
That's like saying the army shouldn't exist because we use it for government takeover...oh wait, actually we do...but we're taking over other governments...you get it.
Obviously the FCC was trying to restrict our liberties, by making sure that we would all get fair and equal access to the internet, and making it illegal for ISPs to do things to exploit us. Those Socialist bastards...
Conclusion: John McCain is STARK RAVING MAD!
Talk about conspiracy theorists...
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